we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
