You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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