we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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