no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I deserve this hangover.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
