the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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