so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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