She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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