I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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