O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
