i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
