It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
