shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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