Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
