So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Panties = found
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
