Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
