i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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