dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
