just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize