Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My vagina is officially offended.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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