theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
