They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
