My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
