I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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