he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
