i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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