There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
