Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
