You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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