The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize