you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
