Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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