So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
