She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
