He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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