I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
