In the future we'll all be gay
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When are your genitals available?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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