WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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