it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
