The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
