Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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