I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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