Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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