the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
