I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize