Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
