Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
