Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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