Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
