none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
