oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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