Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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