You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
