Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
