i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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