I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
