New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
