is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
