you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
