my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
