All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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