i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
