I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
