I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
