bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
