I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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