is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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