She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
