I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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