It's Friday. Sex?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
