your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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