i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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