Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
