conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
