did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
