your room smells of hookers.
And success
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
