Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
accomplished twins. life is a go
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
