you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How's work?
Spinning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
