i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
