I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
