I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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