There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
