I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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