his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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