my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
