I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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