Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
be right there i have to get my cape
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
