i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
