I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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