Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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