A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
jump out the window naked night went bad
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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